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You can't have sharks with laser beams on their heads. It's 1858. Sharks haven't been invented yet.
Just back from seeing Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino answering the question, what do you do after making a masterpiece but you're not really a master, you just lucked out? And the answer, weirdly, does not involve giant apes climbing skyscrapers this time.
Maybe I'm too jaded. Maybe I'm so old movie violence neither repels me nor intrigues me. Maybe I don't need people who get shot in the head to expel gallons of fake blood in gravity-defying directions for me to think, if I got shot in the head it wouldn't look like that. And, yeah, I know we're not supposed to wonder about dynamite in 1858 when it was invented in 1867, or wonder exactly what part of Mississippi looks that much like Wyoming, or why the bad guys don't just hammer the good guy's skull in when they have a perfect chance instead of sending him off with a henchman and closing the door so they can't see the good guy make his escape. Which at least Austin Powers was funny about... And, yes, this has gotten raved about by critics. But still.
For me, uninvolving from beginning to end. Cristoph Walz is wonderful, and nearly kept my attention, but he's playing second fiddle to a flat, dull lead (perhaps meant that way, since the movies this is based on tended to have flat, dull leading men). The rest... meh... though I wouldn't be surprised if in 40 years, some young hotshot makes a movie based entirely on his youthful watching of Django Unchained, which would be a movie about a movie about cheap, bad movies that were imitations of earlier cheap, bad movies. And then, someday, somebody would make an homage to that.
Second review -- of MoviePass! MoviePass promises unlimited movie viewing in theaters for a flat fee. Well, a little limited; you can only see one movie one time, and only one movie a day, but still, that's up to 31 movies a month! Score! So I enrolled & installed the app on my phone. They sent me a card. Very simple, just register the card with the iphone app, select the movie on your app (you have to be within 100 yards of the theater), then swipe the card at the automated kiosk & you're in! I got my card and turned on the app. "Type in the last 4 digits of the card to register it," says the app. I do so. The app turns the entire screen a light gray and then does nothing. Ever. Reboot and repeat. I ended up using a pass I got at CostCo last year. MoviePass, you haven't heard the end of this!
Maybe I'm too jaded. Maybe I'm so old movie violence neither repels me nor intrigues me. Maybe I don't need people who get shot in the head to expel gallons of fake blood in gravity-defying directions for me to think, if I got shot in the head it wouldn't look like that. And, yeah, I know we're not supposed to wonder about dynamite in 1858 when it was invented in 1867, or wonder exactly what part of Mississippi looks that much like Wyoming, or why the bad guys don't just hammer the good guy's skull in when they have a perfect chance instead of sending him off with a henchman and closing the door so they can't see the good guy make his escape. Which at least Austin Powers was funny about... And, yes, this has gotten raved about by critics. But still.
For me, uninvolving from beginning to end. Cristoph Walz is wonderful, and nearly kept my attention, but he's playing second fiddle to a flat, dull lead (perhaps meant that way, since the movies this is based on tended to have flat, dull leading men). The rest... meh... though I wouldn't be surprised if in 40 years, some young hotshot makes a movie based entirely on his youthful watching of Django Unchained, which would be a movie about a movie about cheap, bad movies that were imitations of earlier cheap, bad movies. And then, someday, somebody would make an homage to that.
Second review -- of MoviePass! MoviePass promises unlimited movie viewing in theaters for a flat fee. Well, a little limited; you can only see one movie one time, and only one movie a day, but still, that's up to 31 movies a month! Score! So I enrolled & installed the app on my phone. They sent me a card. Very simple, just register the card with the iphone app, select the movie on your app (you have to be within 100 yards of the theater), then swipe the card at the automated kiosk & you're in! I got my card and turned on the app. "Type in the last 4 digits of the card to register it," says the app. I do so. The app turns the entire screen a light gray and then does nothing. Ever. Reboot and repeat. I ended up using a pass I got at CostCo last year. MoviePass, you haven't heard the end of this!
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Which means that Quentin Tarantino is actually not a necessary ingredient for a Tarantino film, I guess.
And why, when I'm trying to type his full name, do I always end up with "Question Tarantino"? That's not even autocorrect. That's me.